Mr. Bottle

The Fable of Beer

Hathor, as a welcome companion of Ra suffered great longing for the God of the Sun. It occurred once that Ra became the subject of human jests for appearing frail after a dark and stormy night. Hathor took up a cudgel on his behalf and smote the puny humans wiping out half the population in the Nile Valley. She vowed to come back and take care of the rest after a period of feasting.

Initially flattered, Ra became angered and saddened by the massacre of his normally worshipful subjects. To prevent further carnage, he made secret arrangements with the brewmasters of old. Seven thousand jugs of red beer were poured into the Nile to look like blood of the slain.

Intrigued by the vast red lake, Hathor stopped to peer at her red reflection. She pondered, extending a finger to the lips of the image and beheld the flavor of the river of ale. Mm, tasty. One thing lead to another and as predicted the biggest one-Goddess binge of all time was under way.

Some time passed before Hathor awakened. She remembered little. She remembered not imbibing the frothy beverage. As recompense for any distress, she vowed to labor tirelessly devoted to the duties of Revelry and Quaffing.

Furthermore she would also undertake the planning of the Nile Floods, so important to Egyptian horticulture. This could easily be calculated as she represented the Dog Star Sirius. By vowing such, she enslaved herself to the service of the men she so recently massacred. Her enslavement became routine and her intellect withered. Hence the adage, "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

on by the crowd in their rush to get free beer. People who waded knee-deep in beer
buried a barmaid for three hours. In one home the beer busted in and drowned a mother and her three year old son. The